GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS WHILE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE
Every year, Valentine’s Day elicits mixed feelings from singles and couples all around the world. For some, this is a day like any other; for others, it’s a day to celebrate love and express their affection to their loved ones through actions and gifts. Still, many see it as a day that businesses have commercialized to make money.
When the day comes after or during a divorce, though, feelings of loneliness, anger, or loss may arise. This may make it even harder to cope with the day, especially when you’re seeing advertisements and marketing-inspired messages of couples and lovers at every turn.
No one will fault you if the day is particularly overwhelming and difficult to cope with. To help, here are a few tips to help you survive St. Valentine’s Day.
- HAVE A SELF-CARE DAY
You don’t need someone to give you candy hearts to remind you that you’re special when you can do it yourself. Yes, I mean it. Show yourself some love in the way you feel you deserve. Whether it’ll be buying treats for yourself, going to the spa, or getting yourself a really nice book or gadget that you’ve been eyeing, try to do something that will make you happy or bring you joy and peace.
Friends may try to rope you into going places with them in a bid to help you feel less lonely because of your divorce. However, there’s no point in third wheeling with couples as it may only make you feel worse, so say no. That is unless, of course, you’re up for it. All in all, try to take care of yourself.
- How is your state of mind?
If chocolate hearts, heart-shaped balloons, red roses and hearts have you thinking negative thoughts, you probably shouldn’t do anything to make that worse. Try to avoid going to places that you know will have lots of couples. This will only propel you further down the rabbit hole.
Instead, try to do something that’ll cheer you up and keep your mind occupied and away from your divorce. Try watching a horror movie marathon, trying out new cooking or baking recipes, or going for a drive.
- Stay off social media
If you are very active on social media, staying off it on Valentine’s Day is a good way to cope. Most people, if not everyone, will be posting their activities, gifts, and whatnot – constant reminders that you are alone and getting divorced. Giving yourself a social media break is a good way to avoid those bad feelings. It also keeps you from stalking your ex-partner online. (*insert wink*).
- Stay focused on your children
If you had children with your now ex-partner, showing your children that love should be celebrated despite your divorce is a good way to spend Valentine’s Day.
You can do something fun with them that they’d like to do, like baking cookies, doing arts and crafts activities, or treating them to sugary delights.
Not only does this celebrate the love you have for your children, but it also allows you to spend more time with them. Perhaps the best benefit is that it keeps you distracted from all the “couple-y” Valentine’s Day activities.
- Try to remember why you are not married
Loneliness and depression may blur your reasoning, making you forget exactly why you aren’t married anymore. Reminding yourself that the grass isn’t always greener is a good way to save yourself from heartache and keep your mind off your divorce.
Additionally, divorce may take a toll on you, be it emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially. You may feel that you are not to blame for what happened with your now ex-partner. However, reflecting on what led you to where you are now is a good way to learn from the experience. If you feel you’re up for it, you can use the day to think about the lessons you’ve learned.
Whether you make it a self-care day, a day for you to start on a new life path, or a day to reflect on how to better yourself, always focus on the good and the positive. Turn a day that would’ve been spent sad, angry, or lonely into a good day that you can also enjoy, even if by yourself.
Despising Valentine’s Day won’t help it disappear from all the earth’s calendars, nor will it make you feel any better. What has happened, happened, and nothing can be done to change the past. Therefore, there is no need to focus on the negative, which includes your divorce. Instead, remind yourself that things do get better as time goes by.
